Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

2012-02-14T15:35:00.001Z

Yeah, put this on the list of so awful it will be amazing. Can't wait for this movie or the sequel ... not sure which president will be the werewolf hunter.

Cupid killed in terrorist attack

2012-02-14T13:36:00.000Z

BREAKING NEWS NOT ON CNN: This just out of the Middle East -- Cupid, while trying to shoot a an unknown individual with a uranium tipped love arrow, was assassinated by Iranian fundamentalist. Cupid has been on the hit list of Iranian fundamentalist for his views of love and ability to commercialize a holiday.

The execution was celebrated across Tehran as Iranians fired their guns wildly into the air (an unknown number of innocent people were killed by falling bullets). The assignation was acknowledged by the Iranian President, let's just call him Balky, as a further incident against the war on the West and his attempts to destabilize democracy and destroy the great Satan.

US State Department spokesperson Jed Eckert stated, "First time and only time I can say this, but, thank you Balky and Iran. We've been looking for a way to save money in the Federal budget and the death of Cupid will help. No we don't have to waste so much money on those sugar heart candies that just taste like crap."

Eckert went on to state that he also has a list of upcoming weddings that he thinks the Iranians could bomb in order to "destabilize the west" or just generally "make his life better".

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

No Where Near Berlin

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Cupid killed in terrorist attack